On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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