I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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