i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
