i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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