Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
