; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize