I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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