**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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