do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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