I just saw a hot homeless man
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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