I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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