At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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