Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
