i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
