Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
