I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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