haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i've created a new STD.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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