Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
