oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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