so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
