The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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