Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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