How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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