i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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