Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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