So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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