I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
