dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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