You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize