Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
