It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
