We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
