everyone is single if you try hard enough
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
