I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
