Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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