Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
cat food counts as protein by the way
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
