You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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