I'm lost and stupid without you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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