Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize