i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
