the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
