So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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