Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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