Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
