I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
