You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think a kid would responsible me up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
