I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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