Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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