How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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