I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
