i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I see more hoeing in ur future
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