i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
