If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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