I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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