No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
