Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
