I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
