I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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