It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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