I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
