I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
