Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
