Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
