Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize