friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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