I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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