well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
