I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
