i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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