u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
