absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
