I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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