I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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