don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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