is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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