Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i will never coherently bang her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
