i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
