There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize